?

Log in

Let's get this party started! - Very Wrong Slash
The THING that should not BE!

Ninjakitten posting in Very WRONG Slash
User: verywrongslash (posted by ninjakitten)
Date: 2003-07-18 13:59
Subject: Let's get this party started!
Security: Public
Mood:mischievousmischievous
Music:Offspring - Original Prankster
Welcome to verywrongslash. I thought I'd start us off with the reason Goofus and Gallant are our patron saints... apologies to the writer, as I haven't been able to find an address to ask him for permission to post with, nor can I find a link to where I found it on the web...

TITLE: Gallant is Aroused; Goofus is Horny
AUTHOR: David Doty
FANDOM: Goofus and Gallant
ARCHIVE: List Archives yes, otherwise ask
SUMMARY: Goofus and Gallant. What more needs be said?
RATING: NC-17
DISCLAIMERS: I'm not quite sure who owns G&G. Probably Highlights magazine. Definitely not me, so it's a good thing I'm making nothing from it. In theory, these could be 18-year-old high school seniors. If you picture them any younger, whose fault is that?
AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is based on the characters Goofus and Gallant from Highlights magazine. If you know it, imagine artwork as in that feature. I'm not an artist, sorry. And special thanks to Angel Sparrow for the beta.
FEEDBACK: But of course. Feedback of any kind welcome. If it's going to leave welts, I'd prefer it off-list, though.


Gallant is Aroused; Goofus is Horny
by Dave Doty


Gallant wakes up embarrassed by the stain on the front of his pajama bottoms.

Goofus wakes up naked and jerks off.

***

Gallant carefully assembles a crisply starched outfit to convey gentility and breeding.

Goofus throws on his jeans with the hole in the crotch.

***

Gallant eats a well-balanced breakfast to get the day off to a good start.

Goofus skips breakfast because his friend Desperate always trades his Pop-Tarts for a blowjob.

***

Goofus' brash laughter disrupts bus stop conversation and makes him the center of attention.

Gallant watches silently with polite interest.

***

Goofus moons the bus driver.

Gallant firmly resists the temptation to reach out and smack Goofus' bottom.

***

Gallant passes out the homework in his first class.

Goofus misses first period because one of his hoodlum friends "scored" some "dope."

***

Between classes, Gallant waits by the sink rather than be sandwiched between two occupied urinals.

Goofus leans back to give Gallant a good look at his cock.

***

At lunch, Gallant takes an unoccupied seat.

Goofus tells Gallant to "scoot [his] ass" as he shoves his way onto the bench.

***

Goofus gropes Gallant's thigh under the table.

Gallant politely pretends not to notice.

***

Goofus gropes Gallant's crotch under the table.

Gallant tries to ignore his growing arousal.

***

Goofus starts to unzip Gallant's slacks under the table.

Gallant shoots milk out of his nose.

***
Goofus laughs and points.

Gallant apologizes for his rudeness.

***

Gallant reaches down to push Goofus' hand away.

Goofus rudely grabs Gallant's arm at the wrist.

***

Gallant resists, realizing that homosexual activity is inappropriate in the school lunchroom.

Goofus guides Gallant's hand to the hole in his jeans.

***

Goofus doesn't wear underwear.

Gallant realizes that Goofus doesn't wear underwear.

***

When the bell rings, Gallant jumps to his feet and rushes from the room, knocking over three people.

Goofus calmly gathers his things and walks smoothly out.

***

At football practice, Gallant is careful not to injure his fellow players.

Goofus repeatedly tackles Gallant roughly, leaving him covered in bruises.

***

After football practice, Gallant showers carefully, so that he smells only of soap and his fragrant shampoo.

Goofus, despite Gallant's having observed him wash particular body parts unusually thoroughly in the shower, continues to exude an intoxicating blend of sweat and testosterone.

***

After school, Gallant attends his debate club meeting.

Goofus goes to the principal's office for his private counseling session.

***

Gallant tells each member of the debate club he was glad of their attendance as the meeting breaks up.

Goofus is still in the principal's office.

***

Gallant hangs back to make certain everyone leaves okay.

Goofus is still in the principal's office.

***

Gallant wanders up and down the hall looking for trash to throw away.

Goofus is still in the principal's office.

***

Gallant offers to help the janitor clean the floors.

Goofus is still in the principal's office.

***

Gallant is told by the janitor to "get [his] faggot ass away from [the janitor]."

Goofus laughs, because he emerges from the principals office in time to hear this.

***

Gallant is shy as he thinks of ways to initiate conversation.

Goofus smirks and makes the other person begin.

***

Gallant asks if he can walk home with Goofus.

Goofus asks Gallant if he wants to fuck.

***

Gallant asks Goofus if he would be more comfortable at his own home or at Gallant's.

Goofus asks what's wrong with the school bathroom.

***

Gallant walks directly home from school.

Goofus walks directly to Gallant's home from school.

***

Gallant thoughtfully checks to see if his parents are home before initiating homosexual sex acts.

Goofus jumps Gallant in the living room.

***

Gallant recognizes how hard his parents work to provide his clothing.

Goofus rips off Gallant's shirt, popping off the buttons.

***

Gallant understands the importance of an undershirt in projecting the proper image.

Goofus hates undershirts because they make it more difficult to get at Gallant's nipples.

***

Gallant wonders whether Goofus is also a virgin.

Goofus suspects he's landed a cherry.

***

Goofus grinds his hard cock against Gallant's.

Gallant is shocked at the delicious sensation of another boy's hardness sliding along his own, even through layers of clothing.

***

Gallant is startled by a noise and wants to move to his bedroom.

Goofus is willing to do whatever it takes to get the action moving again.

***

Gallant finds comfort in his familiar room when faced with unusual new situations.

Goofus hardly notices his surroundings.

***

Gallant tumbles back onto his bed as rough lips press against his own, forcing them open.

Goofus shoves Gallant back onto the bed and roughly forces his tongue into the other boy's mouth.

***

Gallant is surprised as Goofus softens and coaxes Gallant's tongue into his mouth.

Goofus bites Gallant's tongue.

***

Gallant fumbles for a conversational gambit when Goofus breaks the kiss.

Goofus fumbles with Gallant's belt.

***

Gallant is embarrassed when his erect member is exposed to another boy for the first time.

Goofus is shocked at Gallant's unexpected endowment.

***

Gallant chokes back a cry as Goofus' lips engulf his boyhood.

Goofus chokes on Gallant's mammoth dick.

***

Gallant is firmly committed to the principle of reciprocity.

Goofus is irritated when Gallant pulls him off of his cock.

***

Goofus springs free the moment Gallant gets his zipper down.

Gallant is mesmerized at the sight of Goofus' member.

***

Gallant is circumcised.

Goofus is not.

***

Gallant trembles at the feel of Goofus' tender skin against his fingertips.

Goofus trembles at a gentleness he has not experienced before.

***

Gallant fearfully lowers his head toward Goofus' sex.

Goofus watches Gallant coyly draw out the motion of his head.

***

Gallant tries to avoid unexpected shocks.

Goofus likes to grab guys' ears when they go down on him.

***

Gallant chokes and sputters around Goofus' thick manhood.

Goofus enjoys getting head.

***

Gallant thoughtfully covers his teeth with his lips while giving oral sex.

Goofus grunts at Gallant to "use [his] damn teeth, bitch!"

***

Gallant is relieved when he is finally able to come up for air.

Goofus is frustrated when Gallant pulls away from his dick.

***

Gallant stands up in order to fully remove his clothing.

Goofus is experienced at shedding his clothing while lying down.

***

Gallant stands awkwardly, uncertain what to do.

Goofus sits up, pulling Gallant toward him by his hips.

***

Goofus pulls off of Gallant's cock and jerks it with his hand.

Gallant luxuriates in the slippery feel of skin against skin.

***

Gallant wants for cues from his companion to see what he wants to do next.

Goofus falls back on the bed, pulling up his legs and wiggling his ass at Gallant.

***

Gallant hesitates, uncertain that Goofus wants what Gallant thinks he wants.

Goofus knows what he wants, and is determined to get it from Gallant.

***

Gallant is surprised that Goofus doesn't have a condom.

Goofus is surprised that Gallant has a condom.

***

Gallant fumbles as he clumsily attempts to place the condom on his member.

Goofus easily slips the condom onto Gallant.

***

Goofus leans back, pulling Gallant's hips against his own ass.

Gallant groans at the feel of his boyhood slipping against Goofus' anus and perineum.

***

Gallant politely asks Goofus if he is sure before pressing inwards.

Goofus is tired of hearing Gallant talk.

***

Gallant proceeds slowly during anal penetration, trying to get a feel for his partner's comfort zone.

Goofus likes anal sex rough, hot, and nasty.

***

Gallant develops a regular rhythm as he thrusts into Goofus.

Goofus writhes under Gallant's pounding.

***

Gallant loses control of his thrusts as he loses his inhibitions.

Goofus' eyes roll back into his head as Gallant becomes rougher and less controlled.

***

Gallant realizes that he is approaching release.

Goofus is incoherent, and realizes nothing.

***

Gallant considerately withdraws from his partner before ejaculating.

Goofus cries out, "Spray it on me!"

***

Gallant comes.

Goofus doesn't.

***

Gallant politely gives his friend a reach-around.

Goofus gets his rocks off and falls asleep.

***

Gallant worries about what will happen when his parents get home.

Goofus sleeps.

***

Gallant sighs.

Goofus sleeps.

***

Goofus and Gallant sleep.

The End

...best slash =ever=. ;)
Post A Comment | 116 Comments | Share | Link






Page 1 of 4
<<[1] [2] [3] [4] >>
Raven -Selectively Moral: still
User: antiquitydreams
Date: 2003-09-04 22:53 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Keyword:still
LMAO sweet mother of pearl that was beautiful! ^__^
Reply | Thread | Link



Ninjakitten: Ivy
User: ninjakitten
Date: 2003-11-02 16:47 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Keyword:Ivy
I only WISH I could take credit for more than spreading it around. ;)
Reply | Parent | Thread | Link | Expand



Author - (Anonymous) Expand
I want to close my eyes and hear this song
User: mattador
Date: 2003-11-02 18:00 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Thaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat was excellent.
Reply | Thread | Link



Horehouse Lozenges
User: wikdsushi
Date: 2003-11-02 18:42 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
*chokes*

Ohh, god, you have completely warped my childhood memories of hours upon hours spent sitting in the Allergy Clinic waiting room to see if I've gone into anaphylaxis, reading Highlights and noting how much of a twit Gallant is. Ahh, I love you. =)
Reply | Thread | Link



mr profit's girl friday (and all week long)
User: tiferet
Date: 2003-11-30 00:53 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
What is it about allergists' offices and Highlights? If anticipating shots wasn't bad enough!
Reply | Parent | Thread | Link



Caesia
User: caesia390
Date: 2003-11-03 02:25 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
oh my god. yes. thank you. ^_^
Reply | Thread | Link



random and often lost: darkkitten
User: darkkitten1
Date: 2003-11-04 07:34 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Keyword:darkkitten
Oh... this is very wrong indeed.

It is also very good. Thank you!
Reply | Thread | Link



Egplant dike ass: preme
User: bertho
Date: 2003-12-09 05:04 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Keyword:preme
The only thing that could make that more wrong would be to illustrate it. ;-)
Reply | Thread | Link



FAS Roach: let me out.
User: hurricanesoccer
Date: 2004-05-17 17:07 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Keyword:let me out.
i shouldn't be so tempted...
Reply | Parent | Thread | Link | Expand



(no subject) - (Anonymous) Expand
The Strange Stranger
User: lionphox
Date: 2004-01-17 21:45 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
I so cannot wait for my next dentist appointment!!!

SPAM!!!
Reply | Thread | Link



Mugmort no Tatsuko
User: carinn
Date: 2004-02-13 00:15 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
omg.. that was HOTT.. seriously.. i will never see Goofus and Gallant the same way again..
Reply | Thread | Link



The Pleasure Boy
User: anuanu
Date: 2004-02-13 05:33 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Yay! I always knew I liked that Goofus. And Gallant - who knew?!
Reply | Thread | Link



The Crazy Cat Lady
User: hippiechiq
Date: 2004-02-15 11:23 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Holy crap! I don't even know what to say about that. Too funny.
Reply | Thread | Link



Tinkerbelle1
User: tinkerbelle1
Date: 2004-02-19 00:45 (UTC)
Subject: wow
Holy Hell.....
I remember reading Highlights, but I don't remember Goofus and Gallant. Damn, now I'll make a point of reading it....I need some visuals dammit!
lol
nicely done
Reply | Thread | Link



Tara
User: taradiane
Date: 2004-02-22 22:19 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Gallant considerately withdraws from his partner before ejaculating.

Goofus cries out, "Spray it on me!"


Best. Line. Ever!
Reply | Thread | Link



GOD OF AMNESIA,  formerly Lady Forklift
User: blu_22
Date: 2004-02-23 01:50 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
I always knew there was something going on between Goofus and Gallant.

I will never be able to look at another Highlights without giggling madly as long as I live.

That was great.
Reply | Thread | Link



effusive chatterbox.: all i see- by ewanaholic.
User: dreamstigmata
Date: 2004-02-23 15:25 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Keyword:all i see- by ewanaholic.
Goofus doesn't wear underwear.

Gallant realizes that Goofus doesn't wear underwear.


:D :D :D hahahaha.
Reply | Thread | Link



I wanna say I'm sorry for stuff I haven't done yet: eye - lia_alexandra
User: cheshirepuss
Date: 2004-03-01 23:05 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Keyword:eye - lia_alexandra
You might very well be the most brilliant person in the world.
Reply | Thread | Link



Ninjakitten: Ivy - Bliss
User: ninjakitten
Date: 2004-03-01 23:07 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Keyword:Ivy - Bliss
Oh, if only I could take the credit...
Reply | Parent | Thread | Link



User: dsdoty
Date: 2004-03-05 14:09 (UTC)
Subject: Wow!
I had no idea that this was still on the web. A friend of mine pointed it out to me, and I actually created an account to drop by and say hello.

This story really just wrote itself. At the risk of blowing my own horn, it even cracks me up when I reread it after all these years. I think one of the reasons I haven't written more fic is that I know I probably hit my high-water mark right off the bat.

On the other hand, 75% of my plot bunnies would probably wind up in the Very Wrong category anyway. Like my Superman/Superboy time travel slash.

It's really frightening how many children's works are slashed in my head. And it's all stuff that I read myself as a child, not anything later. I wonder what that says about me?

Thanks for keeping this story alive.
Reply | Thread | Link



Ninjakitten: Ivy - !
User: ninjakitten
Date: 2004-03-05 14:19 (UTC)
Subject: Re: Wow!
Keyword:Ivy - !
Oh, hurrah! I tried to track you down when I was first shown this story, and failed, but hey, now I get to thank you after all! :)

I'm glad you don't mind it still being posted -- it's just the perfect blend of nice writing, humour, and Just Plain Wrong. Thank you for its existence.

(And if you =do= write any of those 75%, do feel free to share them with us. ;))
Reply | Parent | Thread | Link



Isidore Rodgers
User: isidore13
Date: 2004-03-07 21:12 (UTC)
Subject: Oh. My. God.
That was so funny! Oh goodness gracious, talk about ruining a sweet childhood memory!

I want to marry you and have 10,000 of your babies.

Isidore
Reply | Thread | Link



User: srichard
Date: 2004-03-11 19:43 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Keyword:sucky sucky by scifispice80
Oh. My. God. That was...*tries to write review. is laughing too hard.* And this...

Gallant is circumcised.

Goofus is not.


Comic genius.
Reply | Thread | Link



Firequill: Firequill_Spin_Blink
User: firequill
Date: 2004-03-13 12:50 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Keyword:Firequill_Spin_Blink
Sometimes the boredom of the day, and friendsfriending forever pays off. That had me wiping tears away man, tears! It's as funny as Smurf Smut. *giggle*
Reply | Thread | Link



i don't know nothink.: Vaughan
User: melodylemming
Date: 2004-03-21 16:24 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Keyword:Vaughan
This totally made my day.
Reply | Thread | Link



is it wrong to wish on space hardware?: what hand obsession?
User: greenapricot
Date: 2004-04-07 12:54 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Keyword:what hand obsession?
gah. So wrong it's right.
Reply | Thread | Link



stark raving sane: [david] what dreams may-nah. too obvious
User: olukemi
Date: 2004-04-08 11:53 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Keyword:[david] what dreams may-nah. too obvious
Sweet, sweet death! I am so glad I found this again. Gets better with every reading.
Reply | Thread | Link



User: digitalised
Date: 2004-05-17 14:17 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
You give true meaning to the community title. Dear God.
Reply | Thread | Link



User: sunyata__
Date: 2004-05-26 15:28 (UTC)
Subject: Threesome, anyone?
Reply | Thread | Link



Ninjakitten: Ivy - !
User: ninjakitten
Date: 2004-09-11 09:58 (UTC)
Subject: Re: Threesome, anyone?
Keyword:Ivy - !
::cracks up:: I can't believe I only just saw this reply. Not getting the love it deserves!

::loves it::
Reply | Parent | Thread | Link



Page 1 of 4
<<[1] [2] [3] [4] >>
browse
my journal
September 2012